Ask Rawb – She Said She Loved Me, Then Dumped Me, Help!

Okay so I’ve got this questions, I’m just going to read it to you.

So this girl I’ve been talking to every single day for months finally decided that we should be together. She decided you should be together?! And it was PERFECT. Now, it’s a long story but, she has had issues in the past oh that’s not great… and when she was with me she was genuinely happy.

She told me how she can’t wait for our future together, have kids, promised me she’d love me forever, called me the love of her life and so much more. this is problematic… Then, all of the sudden, with no signs of unhappiness, we were done… see, I’m not that surprised… She went to someone else (ya that’s usually what happens) who is known to be a “player”.

She has told me in the past he wasn’t good for her. (okay so he was always in her life that’s great…) When I talk to her about “us” now she tells me she misses it (don’t talk to her about us now), she was happy, she still feels something between us and that I exceeded her expectations but she couldn’t do it.

Says I was “too good”?

Said she would rather have her heart broken by someone else than to break mine. (She’s just not that into is basically what she’s saying) I got really upset when she broke us off and tried just moving on (good job), but she is seriously everything to me. (bad job) I’m not interested in anyone else, attracted to anyone else… (you will be if you give it time) I just need her back.

As of right now I told her how I still felt, and said I’d wait because she means that much to me. (it’s so bad) She cried, said she was sorry and that she missed me in her life and can’t live without me. So my question is, what the hell should I do?

I can’t be without her, but staying as a friend is killing me… but I don’t want to walk out like everyone else has in her life. Any thoughts?

First of all you’re not walking out, she walked out on you, let’s just be clear about that.

Okay, well… Dude. Dude!

Come on. Where’s your self esteem?

Wheres your pride? Where’s your boundaries? Look, I’ve been where you are, so I can’t blame you for feeling all messed up over someone you love. And yet I CAN blame you for being gross…. I mean look at the facts! You’re chasing her. You’re trying to convince her to be with you in exchange for you giving her anything she wants.

Why can’t you see what you’re doing? You’re single handedly destroying your own self esteem and value. You’re willing to accept her sloppy seconds if only she’d come back to you… knowing that the moment some other hot guy shows up she’s gonna disappear!

Leaving you alone like a loser again. She’s basically like a cat and will always be chasing the next shine object. And it’s not because you’re an idiot, or that you’re worthless.

You’re probably a great guy who wants to give his whole self to someone he loves. But here’s what you haven’t learned yet… Women are attracted to men who have their shit together, or who are on some kind of life path of their own. This is the advantage of bad boys… they’re not distracted by chicks, or attention.

Bad Boys live in their own reality, they have their own desires, and that’s attractive. Of course they’re assholes so ultimately they end up with girls who like assholes, so being a bad boy isn’t the goal. Being attractive should be the goal.

What you’re doing is saying “I’ll give you everything no matter how badly you treat me.” Now why would she find that attractive? That’s gross. That’s a guy who doesn’t value himself or his own time.

That’s a door mat.

Girls don’t want “nice guys” they want “honest men who have their own life’s passions and missions and direction, even if they are sometimes an asshole.” When you make your woman your purpose, you push her away and you lower your own value.

Guys who make their woman their purpose, are basically vampires trying to drain her of her energy. Women want a man who has his own LIFE and who’s going his own direction!

This guy is not distracted by her beauty and her flirting… and in response she finds him attractive and mysterious and desirable. FEELINGS AREN’T FACTS. Your FEELINGS don’t matter.

If you MUST you can still LOVE her. But don’t act on it. Just like drug users LOVE drugs, that doesn’t mean they should DO drugs. Love her from a distance, but LOVE YOURSELF more and make HEALTHY choices, even when they’re hard. Focus on YOU now, get your head right, and find your life’s purpose. THEN, when your focus is your passions, you’re going to be in a different head space when you’re interacting with women… and you’re not going to be a doormat, you’re going to be a attractive option.

Pick yourself up, dust yourself off, accept the situation for what it is. Don’t beat yourself up.

And learn from this. that’s it! Good luck dude!

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